A Preconcieved Notion.

A preconcieved notion- an opinion formed beforehand without adequate evidence.

I have formed my opinion on people based on these notions before in life, as I'm sure most of you have as well. It is the most admirable thing in the world when someone can be so genuine to look past these and get to know someone for the person who they are. It is not an easy task, you can believe that, and sometimes people make mistakes that lead to negative harsh words. Also, when you grow so close to someone and give your complete trust and respect to them, it's extremely difficult to take their opinions without forming those of your own.

Recently someone had the courage to do this with me, and for that I am ever thankful. This girl is a beautiful soul and I am so glad that she gave me the respect that she did...and allowed herself to see me through her own eyes.

I believe that there is simply a lack of communication in modern day friendships, which has made trust to be something that is rarely found in close friendships. Pride can also get in the way of forgiveness and you will lose friends that you never expected, simply because you are both too proud to admit your faults. I have experienced all of this, as I am sure most of you have.

I realize sometimes I just have to look in the mirror and say "as much as you think you are right, Alyssa Lee, look at it from their point of view, forgive, and forget." which always leads me to the whole "yeah, you know what..you're right I was kind of a jackass and I love you."

If we could just talk about what is bothering us when it's bothering us...I believe that friendships in females would be a whole lot easier. If we would show people how much we love them instead of just posting it to social networks, if we could spend more time with our friends trying to understand them better, and if we could just get past ourselves sometimes...we would all be so much happier.

Recently I have given talk of giving up on holding my friendships so high in life. Well, I've realized in the past couple of days that maybe instead of letting go of these friendships maybe I just need to get over my fears and be the friend I know that people want and need.

So as of now. Just living and loving. I love you, friends.

XOXO
Alyssa Lee

Growing up

Lately in the life of Alyssa Lee...

Well, lets just say that life is changing all around me. Right now it seems to be a clusterfuck, but I see the future and it looks bright from where I'm standing. I've decided that I don't have to take all of my friendships as seriously as I have in the past. I have been looking out for myself more than I ever have before and learning to do things on my own hasn't been easy. Who said life was easy though.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
-Audrey Hepburn

Work has been more challenging then ever before...but I think this is good for me. I have started this new position of leasing captain for a few properties in my area. This has had my nerves twisted, but I know that I just need to stay confident in myself and I will do great :].

My work is the only ground I've ever had to stand on. I seem to have a whole superstructure with no foundation but I'm working on the foundation.

Dating in my twenties has been interesting to say the least. As ADD as I am in my daily life...I think my ADD tendencies follow me into the dating life. I find myself interested in finding someone to spend my time with, but at the same time I haven't really decided if I want to be committed again. Commitment in relationships has always been a struggle with me.

I guess I have always been deeply terrified to really be someone's wife since I know from life one cannot love another, ever, really. -Marilyn Monroe

I've decided to put going out downtown on the back burner. I have realized that putting on a dress and hitting the streets has never really been my thing for a reason. A nice cold beer and good conversation with friends is more of my scene. That or a bottle of wine and a good tv show in my bed seem to be more enjoyable then the dramatics of downtown.



Things I need to focus on to suceed:

-getting completely organized at work even if that means spending my home life making marketing initiatives.
-showing my body some love via excersize and developing healthy eating habits.
-getting organized at home and finishing my move completely.
-finding someone to sublet my old apartment, because paying for 2 leases is starting to kill my finances.
-getting registered and ready for summer school
-getting involved with some sort of organization to volunteer some of my time to charity.
-re-vamping my photography business & website.
-LEARN TO HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT
-focus on the positive qualities in all people, even if they are difficult to find.
-spend more time with my best friend and other half, Brianna Grace.

Just a little update on my life, for those who are interested.

XOXO
Alyssa Lee

The unavoidable difference between cute & hot.

There is one word that I have heard more than a million times when people are describing me, and that would be the word "cute".

Cute

Cute refers to a sort of girl/boy next door quality, wholesome and all-American. A cute person is de facto attractive, but in an innocent and conventional way. Cute people will have an average to above average figure but if they are out of shape boys are generally thin while girls may carry a little too much weight in the hips and chest. Cute can be a very forgiving term, especially if used by your significant other.

Hot

Hot refers looks that fit into the aspiring model or porn star category. Hot people take the time to sculpt their bodies to their idea of perfection, while at the same time lavishing care on their hair and skin. Obviously hot people are attractive, but in a way that screams both sex and high maintenance. It may be possible that you don’t know any hot people personally, but have only seen them in movies or fashion magazines.

There is a very distinct difference between the two. I have become very aware of this difference as well, seeing as most of my closest friends are in the "hot" category. I enjoy my place in the "cute" category and I wouldn't change it for the world.

While I think that we all understand the two...I also believe that there are middlezones. Take Americans latest craze in the female actress category and fortunate for me she just so happens to be my doppleganger, Zooey Deschanel.

"So you're sayin' I got a chance" ;3

"The consensus is that cute people make good boyfriends/girlfriends. When you first encounter a cute person at a party, you will more than likely first be drawn by his personality or actions. Only later, after your friend asked how you liked so-and-so will you reply: “he’s cute.” Cute people are excellent for long-term relationships, cinematic cuddling, and eventual marriage.

Because hot people know that their looks are fleeting, their actions are also often frenetic. Hot people exude a sexy vibe that borders on slutty. Most people would rather “hook up” with a hot person rather than enter into a relationship. It is felt that anyone who spends that much time on her looks wants to show herself off whenever possible. The perception is that hot people excel at one night stands but not much else."

Most of my friends are found in the middlezones. They are the cute/hot combo...the double threat!

 

So ladies, you wont always fit in one category. You may be one of the lucky ones...the Double Threat.

Double threat

The Double Threats will most likely be in and out of long-term relationships, but always the center of attention when that facebook status changes to SINGLE. They are the life of the party, but also enjoy the housewife status when they are ready for it. Usually they are very indecisive with friendships and relationships. A dangerous and unpredictable combination makes for a pretty big challenge to most guys, which is why most of them are single 80% of the time. If you catch the eye of one of these girls hold on tight because it's going to be a bumpy ride...you'll see though in the end...it's well worth it.

So whether you are hot, cute, or both...get it girl. ;D

-Alyssa Lee

Okay if I don't talk about this I'm going to scream.

I think everyone is a little bit broken. I'm not meaning broken in a literal sense, but in parts of life. We all know that picture in our heads when we imagine a girl that is hiding behind a smile. The life of the party girl that on the outside looks like she's got it all figured out when you and I both know that she's really lost.

Last year at this time my heart broke. Hearts are like cars...when they break down it can either be a quick fix or a lot of little things that add up to a massive engine failure. Personally I have terrible luck with cars. I believe that I can honestly say that it mirrors my success in dating.

You know that feeling when you get a brand new car...you are over the top excited. You want to drive it all over town, show it off to all your friends, and constantly talk about it. Then over time you have fender benders, sometimes you run out of gas and get stranded on the side of the road, or one of your friends doesn't like your new car and will make fun at your expense.

Sound familiar?

See for me, I am constantly messing up my cars, which forces me to get a new car. I'm tired. Tired of messing up cars and relationships. I'm tired of feeling hurt. I'm tired of feeling anything.

That's what scares me. If true love exists then I've had it. I'm okay with that and I'm pretty sure you don't find true love more than once. Which leads me back to the part of the story where I tell you all that I'm broken.

Broken as well as broken down. I feel like I have had a head on collision and survived. I'm okay...I'm living and breathing and doing everything that I'm told to do. That doesn't change the fact that my car I once loved and showed off to the world is completely totaled. You don't come back from that easily.

What they don't tell you about dating is that it's exhausting. All the pretending and trying to relate to someone that you know in a week wont matter is pure crap. I have this problem where I build guys up to bring them down. I don't do this on purpose...I just feel like I am broken. I'm closer and closer to settling. I've always thought that I was going to have this big romantic love story and be happy with a great little family. Now I have this almost certain feeling that I'm going to be alone forever. I find myself struggling with thoughts of settling just so that I can have the chance for a family in the future. It's like I find guys that are EXACTLY what I wanted when I was in love, but I build them up in my head the first couple days and then I flip a switch. I talk them up to myself just to talk myself out of it.

He's so nice! Oh he took me out, paid for everything, and we like all of the same things. I really like this boy! This time it's different, because he's so perfect. My parents love him and keep telling me I have to date him. I think he's so freakin cute! He bought me flowers and took me to my FAVORITE restaurant...I'm telling you...this is the one. I have a new boyfriend!

.....2 weeks later....

He's so annoying I want to shoot myself when he speaks. WOW he is so dumb. I get annoyed with every word he says. Dude, he's so needy it's ridiculous. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. Maybe if I just ignor him he'll take a hint. Is it weird that I don't even want to kiss him. I dunno...he's just kind of weird. He gets drunk after 2 beers! Who does that!?

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?!?

I find myself going back and forth with it.

Yet I still get into these relationships that are obnoxiously predictable. My friend Andy told me that he thinks I'm trying to force myself into relationships that I'm not ready for. Trying to find that guy that is textbook and way too similar to my ex. When am I going to be ready? Is there ever going to be a time when I completely stop missing what I had?

You know I am starting to think that it's not going to happen for me. It's not going to stop...but it will get easier. It will maybe even get to a point where my heart doesn't sink into my stomach when I run across old pictures of us hidden in my apartment. I might even find someone to fall for.

Until then....I am broken.

but at least now I can accept it. I am quitting dating.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia comes in waves recently. 

My most recent nostalgia is yearning to go back to my early high school days. I was so young, I was in love (or what I thought was love), and I was happy.  

When I was 15 I was going to Gregory Portland High School, I was dating Andrew Joseph Lonnon, I had my awesome group of friends that had great times together, I was in shape and loved cheering, successful in school and theater, I was a sweet little virgin, and my heart had never been broken.

I don't even remember that girl.

All I remember is life being tremendously easier. We all had such minimal responsibility and mama fixed every problem I had. It was so easy to just live. It seemed that my life was going to be so cookie cutter and I would have never pictured what I was about to go through in life. 

Now it seems every turn is another obstacle or beaten path that leads to the next obstacle. Although life sometimes makes it easy for a little bit, it doesn't like to make it too easy for extended amounts of time. 

I just want to go back and be that sweet innocent little girl that isn't damaged sometimes. 

I guess I've never really complained that much about where life lead me, but I feel like now I can say that it would have been a lot easier if my cards played out a bit differently. I wouldn't change a thing about who I am, because I believe that I'm genuinely a good person, but some obstacles I could have done without.

Well, no matter what I do there is one thing that I cannot change...and that is the past. I can control my attitude towards the future. That's all I can do. 

Look towards the future with both eyes open and both hands on the wheel.

Even if it means a head on collision...I will put my petal to the metal and drive towards the future.

<3

The Transition From Ex to Friend: 5 steps to the Friendzone.

Break-ups can be very tough on us. Whether we are talking about a relationship that is established or a 3 month romance...it's hard when you go from comfort to solitude. So I'm going to touch on a topic that I personally have dealt with multiple times in life.

 The Initial Break-up

I like to believe there are 3 different kinds of break-up:

The Clean Break- This break up is when two individuals both realize that the relationship is going no where. You will usually start the conversation with something like "I think we both know what I'm about to say..." or "Okay if you're not going to do this I am...". Usually these are the cleanest break-ups because both parties expect and accept what is about to happen. These break-ups are actually more common with established, long term relationships or extremely short relationships. I would say the likeliness of friendship in these break-ups are high, but there is also a high chance of relapse. This relapse rate comes from the idea that stirs up in the aftermath bringing on thoughts like "Well we ended things so well... and we've been friends...I'm starting to forget why we broke up in the first place". See this is dangerous...because you will have lingering feelings brought on by loneliness forcing you into questioning, but I'll touch on that a little later.

The It's Not You, It's Me- Okay we all know that we see this in the movies, and although it may not be worded in this cliche, it is a real form of break-up. Sometimes even when one person thinks that their relationship is invincible, the other party is un-happy and dissatisfied in the relationship. These break-ups get a little bit messy and violent at times. You might even get a shoe thrown in your general direction and a lot of tears. Personally I'd like to use the generalization that these break-ups FUCKING SUCK. Sorry bout it, but no one wants to be told "Sorry babe I love you...I'm just not IN love with you anymore and I need some time to myself". Really they are saying "Listen. You just aren't all that I thought you were going to be. You're needy and attached and I am just not that into you." Usually these are more short term to medium length relationships. Most of the time the result of a relationship that has been rushed into or not completely thought through.

And last as well as least we have...

The Cheater- This category sometimes goes hand in hand with the It's Not You It's Me, but I think it is a completely different group in itself. These break-ups are the absolute messiest form of break-up. You absolutely will get a shoe thrown in your general direction and this time aimed at your head. These break-ups come with a lot of tears, "What did I do wrong"'s,  insecurities, and on the scale of one to heartbreak I'm thinking the heartbreak is extremely likely. Remorse is also very closely associated to these break-up's as well. It's almost sad that these break-ups have another high relapse rate. Not as likely as the clean break, but you are very likely to see "The second chance" happen, even though we are all familiar with the phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Oh well, he or she will learn their lesson and in the long term they will, hopefully, become stronger in the end.

Side note: I have personally been through all three of these with the 3 guys in my life that I've been in real relationships with. So, I feel for any of you girls still going through this. If you ever wanna talk and/or party I'm always there to help my friends.

Now how does one go from heartbreak to friends?

I'll tell you it isn't an easy task and it takes a few steps, but in the end it is always nice to have that friend that knows you in ways that you don't know yourself. I swear sometimes my ex boyfriends are the only ones that can answer certain questions I have about myself. It may not be healthy, and there is always the dreaded drunk ex-dial, but when needed they are very nice to have around...well, most of them ;D.


FIRST step of all you will, depending on the break-up (less common in the INYIM's), bounce back and have a relapse...or two...or three. These are usually brought on by leaving the comfort zone and having a small form of mono-phobia. It's pretty soon after the break up when you start to realize that you are alone and that's when a. your friends throw a bunch of "your single! lets get fucked up!" parties or give you going out excuses ("Ay we have to go out because its the first hump day that YOU'RE SINGLE!!!!") or b. you get back together with your ex. Now 90% of these relapses do not work out. You get back together too soon when neither of you is ready and nothing has changed. So what happens? Well, you break up again...probably for the same reason that you split the first time. Repeat 2 more times. Then, finally something happens that finalizes the break up and you both realize that it really isn't going to work.

NEXT is step 2 the realization period. Here you are...wallowing in self-pity...going in and out of bawl sessions...looking at old pictures...feeling numb...watching something cliche like The Notebook or PS. I Love You...when you realize...that you are going to be JUST FINE. This part could quite honestly take weeks or even a year, but when it happens you know. Don't force it either because you can't give your heart to someone new until it is completely healed. It's kind of like when your dog passes away...you don't go that day and get a new one...because you wont like it as much. Also then that pup will see you crying about your past puppy and it's just a big emotional mess. Also, don't force yourself to date! This is really common because we see our friends with boyfriends or casually dating and we think that we need to be doing that too. If you AREN'T ready then you AREN'T ready. So now that you have taken that next step to at least realize that your ex is just an ex and you're going to be fine...you can now move on to step 3.

STEP 3 Start dating (When you are ready, if not...repeat step 2) and when you do...give the guys a chance! It's nerve-wrecking going back into the dating world. You probably will start off a. rushing into something you aren't ready for and breaking some poor guy/girl's heart b. make a fool of yourself by being slightly unprepared or rusty in the dating game and c. make at least one poor decision in dating (if you know what I mean). All of these are perfectly normal. As long as you are putting yourself out there you are moving in the right direction. If you feel that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, smiles in your texts, and kisses that make you dizzy DON'T RUN AWAY. This could be a chance for you to explore yourself with someone new so don't pump the brakes...but put the pedal to the metal. If it doesn't workout don't sweat it, you have plenty of time.

Chris, if you're reading this...lol. Let's hang Sunday!

STEP 4, The conversations start. Now I know that you and your ex probably haven't talked much other than drunken texting and sappy I miss yous, but a sober "Hey, How are you doing!?" is completely fine if you have given enough time. Remember: Some men/women may not be mature enough to handle this kind of interaction with you, but everyone has their own pace. Remember: you may be over it and he/she is still living in the past and not being able to move on. Most of the time the conversations are civil, mature, and end up with a good opportunity for friendship. Don't push your ex to hangout with you when they aren't ready, because quite honestly that will make you look like a needy emotional wreck...which we have already determined you aren't anymore.

STEP 5 begins the friendship process. Go to a park and talk about life, laugh about all of the stupid things you did with that person, and help them if they need it. Remember at one point in your life this person WAS your best friend and knows you. They most likely still care about you on a platonic level so if you want to talk to them about something going on with you do it! Just be careful for the danglers. I call Step 2'ers the danglers, because they dangle there on a string like a puppet. Even though you are ready for this friendship and are taking steps in the right direction, they are still checking your Facebook every ten minutes and laying in bed wondering what they did wrong. Hopefully though, everything is normal and kosher.

Friends at last

^^^CLICK ME^^^
Now that you've made it through the break up process and into the friendzone. CONGRATS!

I love that this picture negates my entire blog. MWAHAHAHAHA.

Keeping a Good Balance.

TODAY has been all about finding balance. Balance is something that is very important in life no matter who you are. I have noticed a lot that people will try and find balance, but resort to change. 

Change can fill a void in your life when you find yourself unbalanced. It's easier to retreat to a new city, new job, or new group of friends than to sit down and come up with a plan. To use your thinking capabilities to realize when you need to not change, but reassess your life.

Come up with a plan:


-Make a map of your life.
-Find out what you need and what you want....there is a difference. 
-Put all of your debts and finances down on paper.
-Relax: come up with a plan to spend at least an hour a day relaxing. (Yoga, reading, blogging, etc..)
-Exercise: come up with a plan or schedule some exercise routines. 
-Think: take some time in each work week to come up with new ideas and schedule thinking time. 

For me, I keep talking about doing things....but leave it at talk. Maybe what I need isn't a HUGE change, but a good balance. Maybe changing small habits at a time instead of a huge life plan could be more helpful, also getting to know myself professionally as well as in a social aspect. 

Be yourself, because when you try to be something you're not...you start to lose the part of you that everyone knows and loves.

Take a second to remember that you are fine and life is beautiful.

As for love, 

Now love is something that you can't exactly plan as easily.

Although love is harder to understand or plan, you can just as well make a plan for love. Accept that some things are out of your control and that even so you will be loved. 

You may not believe that you will ever find the perfect person, or that you are incapable of real love...

Maybe you just need to come up with balance in life before you find balance in love. 

Take the time to come up with a plan for love.

Here are a few tips when looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right:

• Put yourself out there.
• If you have a crush or like someone, acknowledge it and let them know, you may be surprised by their mutual interest.
• REMEMBER: The worst that can happen is rejection, and even that isn't too bad.
• Don't give up thinking you are always going to be Friend-zoned or rejected.
• Always remember that if you think negative you are more likely to have a negative reaction.
• Confidence is key when meeting new people whether romantic or platonic.
• Always believe in yourself.
• Find your own balance.
• Get out there and discover new things.
• Put yourself in the situation to meet people with similar interests (shows, dog parks, cafe's, coffee shops)

These are just a few tips to help push you in the right direction. I hope they help and that you all find balance in your own lives. 

Dreams always have the ability to become reality.

Sincerely me, 

 Alyssa Lee